Monday, January 09, 2006

There's Just Too Much TV

There's just too much TV.

No, not in the it's a crap wastoid lost culture soulless crunch of inevitable biosphere husked out cortex shutdown kind of way. Or even the I really need to have a really real life and not spend time picking corn chips out of the nethers while couch sores ripple across long neglected and now seriously afflicted castoff flesh kind of way.

I mean there's too many good shows, too many shows I've heard I have to see that I haven't seen, and too many shows that I've caught bits and pieces of and would love to see more of but things like having to "talk to other humans" and "putting food down my throat" and the weekend work-release furlough "ending" keep getting in the way.

For you see, there's just too much TV.

Take, for example, Herc's Top 10 Scripted Hourlongs of 2005, from Ain't It Cool News. These list-things help to eat away at the soul linings, like acid dripped from vials held by squash-headed aliens with hazy-shaped auras made of fire and reeking of barbeque sauce.

If for no other reason than to let it burn, let's run down the list and have a little dance:

#10 – The O.C.
I've not seen very much of The O.C. (while in real life, ironically, I see quite a bit of it), but I can live with that. What I've seen was melodramatic and teenybopper friendly. Hoorah for them and theirs and their non-corroded soul masses. However, something deep within says: maybe you should be watching this. The terror!

#9 – Everwood
Now, this is truly perplexing. Surely such a program gets safely filed away under the same file as 7th Heaven and Hope & Faith and Leave It to Jim (my favorite example of Must Not See TV) and such guff, correct? Do I need to live with monks on a windswept hill for 14 years of vowed silence and intensive study and irrevocably shift my life-paradigm?

#8 – The Inside
Ah ha! This one I can truly get down with. Saw every episode and sulked and wept messily when it was put on hiatus. And then I cried and rejoiced and self-flogged even more gratuitously after bearing witness recently to Tim Minear's even more brilliant yet equally short-lived Wonderfalls.

#7 – Six Feet Under
I stopped watching after the Season Four episode where Michael got car jacked. That hour of television scarred me. I'm serious – I couldn't go back for more real-hurt after that one. Well, maybe one day… but you know what I'm saying.

#6 – 24
I cut out of this one early in Season Three even though everyone said Season Three ended up getting really really good. I don't know. How many nearly-apocalyptic days can one dude have?

#5 – Rome
Ah, here's another one that's very easy to sing along with. Great and epic historical drama with enough drama and intrigue and comedy and blood-splattering action to keep you off the couch, corn chips at your feet.

#4 – Lost
Again, no complaints at all. It's been a bit more uneven this year at times, but I still can't but love every bizarre and ripe moment of it.

#3 – Gilmore Girls
Yes, this is a choice that makes me want to throw myself off a bridge in angst and protest. Surely, I couldn't have let this one slip by me for so many years? Herc says:

Another series that started out great and grows richer and more accomplished with each succeeding season. Makes me laugh every week, makes me cry at least three times a year.

That's it, I'm putting off the backgammon and croquet lessons for another year so that I can catch up with all the Girls action.

#2 – Veronica Mars
Sanity returns, a more glorious and gloriously under-the-radar show you will not find. I feel as though Weevil and Logan and Keith and old Veronica herself are part of my little virtual world of friends and confidantes by this wonderful Season Two. Which is really really sad in a way. But, you know. Still.

#1 – Battlestar Galactica
I recently spent a week revamping my cable/DVR/lifestyle, and this show was partially why. I've not yet seen a drop of it, but I'm told that my life won't be worth living until I do. What's a fella to do?

And that's just the scripted dramas! Enter Breaking Bonaduce and Justice League Unlimited and Iconoclasts and on and on and it's enough to tap into one's spirit in the same manner in which that evil high priest dude in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom went for your heart.

All pulsing and gooey and the draining of the life force.

Okay, I'm back in front of the Cathode Ray now. This is all the time I have to report, clearly.

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